Category Archives: Love and Lust

Adventures of the heart and body.

Hurt and Gladness

Today, I rode through an autumn snow flurry of falling leaves on my way to work.  A single leaf separated from the flock and slapped me sharply across the lips.  I can still feel the place where it touched me. Yesterday, I hurt my shoulder while tumbling on the grass.  The insistent throbbing has diminished, […]

A Recipe for Perfect Lemonade

You’re sitting on the front steps of the little two bedroom place that you and your new bride rent — your charming little cottage with the big picture window and the hardwood floors recently refinished — and the baby is expected but not arrived yet, so she still pays attention to you, especially today that […]

Letter to my dad, but not my father figure.

Dear Dad, I am awake and heading into town. You were right about writing early. Beautiful thoughts are filling my head this morning, giving me sway to write (now I am not so sure they are beautiful, but it feels good to have them in my head). It would be nice to see you, even […]

Double life

Can I feed my child? Simple enough request to ask the goddess when I was pregnant. I did not think this would end in a battle of stealing from trees/property (apples and lemons mostly). I can recall these recent years of struggle well. It was when I was most connected with my spirited no ties […]

25 Random Things About Me

You have been tagged in this note.  Now you are obligated by the law of chain letters to respond. I was going to tell you about this guy in Peoria who didn’t pass this on, but I won’t tell you about his tragic misfortune. Here are the Rules:  Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed […]

crying

i felt like i couldn’t cry. i thought, what is it going to take? will it be like this forever? this god damn sadness has just been building and building up in my heart and it’s easy to ignore until the next bit of it comes. i’ll tell you that it’s getting so bad that […]

People often fail on the verge of success; take care at the end as at the beginning

Some summer afternoons we would go out to dinner in a neighboring town. We’d take the backroads and meander through dust and meadows and pepper trees. On these drives, talk would turn lazy and philosophical.  They were our best moments by far. Now, I’m just tired. When I regain balance, she knocks me off my […]

Ugly Intersection Drawing of a Scrub Jay

Had unusual dreams last night under a foot of blankets.  Elaine told me she’s never had an orgasm.  I said, “Never?” And she said, “Never,” in that way she has that is sardonically accepting of every situation. And I wake up thinking of Sophie.  Just that thought in my head.  That’s all. I’m chafing in […]

Revolutions

Feeling guilty about it is no good at all. He can’t win this one. She can’t win this one. It isn’t that he wants to tell her how to behave, and he’s not willing to tell her how to feel. But if he would, if he could. In a secret place. A secret safe place. […]

We will not be the last

You’re a dark spec on the horizon while I’m floating away.  Walking the streets of London. Curling up close to musical voices more embracing than the California air outside.  I am everywhere and simply nowhere.  Do my eyes betray me? I’m sure the blank stare is confusing, but I’m too impressionable to resist the lure […]

Greyhound

I rode a shuttle bus last night up on campus and after everyone boarded and the driver turned off the bright overhead lights leaving a series of moody pools of warm reading light, I was flooded with longing. Cross-country bus trips of my youth.  Stopping for minutes at a time in little towns whose name […]

Sleep Strike

I’m not going to sleep until you sleep with me.  Not.  Won’t.  Can’t make me.  It’s a sleep strike. I’ll negotiate.  I can be reasoned with.  I’ll cut a deal.  I’ll give in, but only if you’re willing to bargain.  I’m not asking for much, only for your love and passion.  All you need to […]

Saint Louis

I was walking St. Louis alone late one night. All the bars had closed and even the last hearty hopefuls had found their way to the door. There was no one on the street, but there were lights in many windows. The blue flicker of television leaked out from behind a few curtains. An icy […]

It’s 1am and I’m Running Away

The high-tension wires are making a dangly-jangly rhythm like the sound of a digeridoo. And I’m thinking about the barking dogs in the distance. I’m thinking about the fish dancing for fish reasons to fish rhythms. I’m thinking about the frogs across the lake with their frog love songs. I’m thinking about what you said […]

Anywhere

Ocean voyages in far away lands without ever seeing the sea and trees, leaves, fall and autumn colors breaking bones Breakdown brakeshoe breakbeat a backbeat an off rhythm Snare player from the Midwest in a Salvation Army coat sees a girl he thinks he recognizes from a 1000 miles away An old love, a burnt […]

releasing a ghost of a thing

I fell in love when I was sixteen and we were together until I was twenty-one. It was a very intense relationship. Neither of us having much in the way of role models, we formed our own school for the blind, stumbling hand in hand through the beautiful but harsh lessons of love and sex […]

So When I Say I Like You

I don’t need kind words, Kind thoughts, Good intentions. I don’t need safe and sane, Right job, Right life. I was raised short on inspiration. I was raised where books on shelves, Where there were books, Were Condensed Books Like Condensed soup Down to nothing at all. Art was Tuesday’s at one. Music was radio. […]

Even the birds are crying

There is a fire burning in the mountains. The smoke covers the sun and the light looks like the end of the world. Even the birds are crying… the plaintive sound of wild turkeys the backdrop of our final farewell. I walked through the forest alone and disoriented. As always, I could not just let […]

A Scene In Which Bay Reveals She Went to Morocco to Meet Paul Bowles

It was an area left to its own devices.  Rotting pilings, collapsing piers, concrete and fennel, warehouses left to the realms of rust and graffiti, the broken window, the gray heron.  On the bay side, sunny when the rest of the city was shrouded in fog, massive dry docks, power co-generation, an electrical substation for […]

From Where I Stand

The last time we see someone.  The last time I saw you.  You never know it at the time, of course.  And we look back and say, Hmm, was that the last time I saw him?  The last time I touched him? Was the last time on my road trip?  Almost certainly.  But that doesn’t […]