Category Archives: Journal

A day in the life.

Double life

Can I feed my child? Simple enough request to ask the goddess when I was pregnant. I did not think this would end in a battle of stealing from trees/property (apples and lemons mostly). I can recall these recent years of struggle well. It was when I was most connected with my spirited no ties […]

25 Random Things About Me

You have been tagged in this note.  Now you are obligated by the law of chain letters to respond. I was going to tell you about this guy in Peoria who didn’t pass this on, but I won’t tell you about his tragic misfortune. Here are the Rules:  Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed […]

crying

i felt like i couldn’t cry. i thought, what is it going to take? will it be like this forever? this god damn sadness has just been building and building up in my heart and it’s easy to ignore until the next bit of it comes. i’ll tell you that it’s getting so bad that […]

inner pukings

A first… It’s a funny thing, to lose yourself, even while with yourself always… Where did I go wrong? How long has it been since I have been lost? I’m sometimes surprised at how I can be so gone, yet so aware of how screwed up my life has become. The change has been nice, […]

Bandon, Oregon

One winter morning, I had crab in Bandon, Oregon. I went up the coast and went out one morning and bought crab in Bandon, Oregon. I drove up along the rugged coast of Oregon and went out one morning and got crab in Bandon, Oregon. I rode up the coast on my motorcycle just as […]

Ugly Intersection Drawing of a Scrub Jay

Had unusual dreams last night under a foot of blankets.  Elaine told me she’s never had an orgasm.  I said, “Never?” And she said, “Never,” in that way she has that is sardonically accepting of every situation. And I wake up thinking of Sophie.  Just that thought in my head.  That’s all. I’m chafing in […]

Homework and social activism (hippie antics…)

I told my son he needed to get started on his homework, he refused and began complaining, so I started listing the consequences(no playing outside, favorite items being taken away) and I explained to him he had to do his homework because this is part of creating good study habits and reinforcing what you are […]

Dispatch from the Cab of an Old Truck in the RC&BT Railyard at the End of Autumn

Sitting in the twilight in the old truck at the railyard.  The last of the Saturday light fading from the sky.  An unseasonably warm November evening, maybe the last warm night of the year.  Car wheels crunching on gravel in the distance. Someone asked if this was part of a larger story.  Trite, but yes.  […]

DNR (or, where I’ve been all week)

It is hard to watch someone die. If your pulse drops below 20, your kidneys are producing nothing but blood clots, and you have a DNR order, you will probably die within a few days.  Unless, apparently, you have a chronic, debilitating neurological disorder, like my dad does.  My dad lays in a hospital bed, […]

releasing a ghost of a thing

I fell in love when I was sixteen and we were together until I was twenty-one. It was a very intense relationship. Neither of us having much in the way of role models, we formed our own school for the blind, stumbling hand in hand through the beautiful but harsh lessons of love and sex […]

Heat Wave

It’s sunny. What am I going to do with that? It’s sunny. And hot. The rain is drying up in puddles in the warm morning air. Babies are high-stepping up the sidewalk. I resent the time spent at work, and then stand dazed and speechless before the bigness of the little free time I have. […]